


Stronger In Your Arms

by sanbika



Series: Old Habits Die Hard [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, EDNOS, Eating Disorders, Gen, Intervention, Langst, M/M, OCD, Panic Attacks, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 21:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14627793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanbika/pseuds/sanbika
Summary: The problem with someone declaring you their enemy and behaving as if you’re one, criticizing your every comment or action, is that it made helping them really difficult. Keith had been trying for weeks to get Lance alone, to talk about what he’d seen that day at the table, to ask what was going on, if he was sick or needed help. Because no one could have a nervous breakdown over a bowl of food and be okay.





	Stronger In Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> ***Trigger Warning - EDNOS; panic attacks***
> 
> NOTA BENE - This is the long overdue follow-up to [Old Habits Die Hard](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14627745). This story was not approved by the original commissioner but I felt I needed to write it. Lastly, thank you to [mynameismeowmeow](https://mynameismeowmeow.tumblr.com) for being a great beta reader, this fic would still be languishing in Google Docs without them!

The problem with someone declaring you their enemy and behaving as if you’re one, criticizing your every comment or action, is that it made helping them really difficult.

Keith had been trying for weeks to get Lance alone, to talk about what he’d seen that day at the table, to ask what was going on, if he was sick or needed help. Because no one could have a nervous breakdown over a bowl of food and be okay.

Because seeing Lance, confident, obnoxious, flirtatious, dynamic, big-mouthed LANCE, stare down space goo in a battle of wills, pound the table with his fist, burst into tears, hyperventilate, and throw it away before running off was one of the scariest things Keith had ever seen, bar none.

He knew he wasn’t good with people. Everyone knew that at this point. Shiro knew and had given him a mantra that helped him avoid scenes caused by his recklessness or impatience. The people thing would come with time, his mentor had said, maturity, growth.

But you didn’t have to be good with people to recognize a cry for help. You didn’t need to be friendly with someone to worry about them. But he didn’t want to cause a scene and ruin the first good family he had ever been given. He didn’t want to bother or humiliate Lance on a hunch, especially when he barely knew the guy.

So Keith had taken his mantra and applied it to the blue paladin. He was patient. He was focused. He was constantly assessing the situation to see if he could help or step in. There had been a few times when he wanted to.

When he’d noticed how frequently Lance was the last person left at the table.

When Lance volunteered to do the dishes alone.

When Lance had slept in and missed breakfast entirely, strolling in to the deck with a steaming cup of hot tea (or tea-like Altean beverage).

When everyone had been putting on muscle from the tough regimen Allura had them on, except for Lance.

Shiro looked more impressive than ever, Hunk intimidated outsiders with his massive arms…. until he actually talked, that is. Pidge was a menace with her bayard, relying on strong, lean growing muscles and flexibility. And Keith himself was quietly satisfied with the bulk in his shoulders and triceps, the definition in his thighs and calves, and the beginning shape of a six-pack. The strength training had only made him a fiercer opponent with his swords, having both the agility of youth and the strength to follow through, even on larger enemies.

But Lance had just…. diminished, despite the training. Since they had arrived at the Castle of Lions, really. When he had been in the healing pod, the Cuban teen had been sporting a fairly muscled physique but over the past few weeks, he’d just been looking rangy and haggard. Dark circles smudged under his eyes. Hollows grew under his cheekbones and at the base of his throat. He became stretched and peaky, like he was stuck in a never-ending growth spurt except he wasn’t getting taller, just knobbly and unsteady.

Keith hadn’t been able to see any other changes because Lance was so meticulous about his hygiene and skin care that he had a strict regimen and usually showered after the others. That and he almost never took off his army jacket or his flight suit.

And there were other troubling signs, things that had made Keith want to call out the Blue Paladin in front of everyone.

When he hadn’t been able to fly Blue one day, claiming a migraine.

When he’d messed up in training more than usual, his normally reliable abilities reduced to mistakes and miscalculations. He hadn’t been missing his shots, but he’d been slow, barely running, taking longer than normal to hit his targets, resting his weight against the wall. In hand to hand, he’d been easy to push around, and at the end of a session, he lay on the floor, complaining and making the others laugh.

When he’d gotten Pidge injured by missing some Galra ships.

She had been relying on him to watch her six while she and Green were flying a group of freed aliens to the Castle Ship but Blue had been… clumsy and taking her turns too wide. Pidge had completed her mission but only barely and sustained a couple of broken ribs as a result. 

Lance hadn’t eaten meals with the group for two days. Shiro had gone to talk to him and Keith selfishly hoped that Lance would come clean and fix the problem himself. But he hadn’t

But at the end of it, Keith was experiencing something he wasn’t used to…. fear. He was afraid of screwing up his relationship with Lance, with the others…. or Lance’s relationship to them all. He wanted Lance to be okay but couldn’t bring himself to open up about what he’d seen to anyone, not even Shiro. He’d seen lives ruined by unwelcome truths before. And his jaded mind could spin a hundred different terrible outcomes that happened after he got involved.

So Keith kept his mouth shut, his guilt to himself, and stoked a burning resentment towards Lance for endangering the team in his heart.

And then fate, God, or whatever universal force that had brought them together in the first place, intervened.

Training had been rough and tumble, stretching for an hour past their usual break up. Everyone was exhausted, and Hunk, Pidge, and Lance stumbled, crawled, and rolled their way to the showers while Keith and Shiro had planned to practice grappling in case Keith was disarmed again. Normally, the two went a little longer than the other paladins, with Allura joining in, but today their session was cut short.

Just as Shiro had tossed Keith over his shoulder, he hissed and grabbed his left shoulder, “Ahhh, hold on, hold on.” The red paladin rolled to his feet and had been ready to kick Shiro’s leg, when he pulled back at the cry.

“Are you ok, Shiro? What happened?” He cautiously poked at the muscle Shiro cradled, causing his leader to grimace and pull away.

“Nothing too bad, I think I overextended and sprained it is all. We’ll have to call it a day.”

Keith gazed over at the gladiators for a fraction of a second before Shiro interrupted by nudging him

“Don’t even think about it. Today’s training was harder than usual anyway. Rest now and tomorrow we’ll try the usual schedule.”

Keith smirked, “whatever you say, Space Dad.”

The two trudged off, waving to a freshly showered Hunk, stretching sore muscles and chuckling to themselves. It was one of Keith’s favorite times of the day, feeling the satisfaction of hard work and joking with the closest person he had to a brother. It was when things felt mostly okay and normal.

Steam billowed out as they opened the door to the designated male showers. Keith looked over to the stalls, surprised to hear one still on. Normally Hunk and Lance had finished before they got there, but it looked like Lance was still here… or had forgotten to turn off the shower. He felt his hackles rise for some reason.

He walked over and knocked on the door with a chuckle, “Hey Lance, quit wasting the water. Your skin is going to get all wrinkly.”

The other teen didn’t answer from inside. Rolling his eyes, Keith shook the door a little, trying to get the Altean lock to give.

“Hey Shiro, can I have a hand? I think Lance is playing a prank on us.” The black paladin immediately walked over, a smirk slanting across his face.

“I think he’s probably just trying to play a prank on you.” Well, he couldn’t argue with that. Lance looked up to Shiro something fierce and hated disappointing him.

Keith was a natural when it came to lock-picking and while Altean tech wasn’t as physical as earth technology, there were ways you could manipulate it, disrupting lasers and wires to get the same effect. He pointed at where he wanted Shiro to put pressure, which was where the the hinges of an Earth door would be, and he punched hard where he was guessing the mechanism hid in the stall door. With a faint whirring sound, the lock clicked and the door slowly slid open.

“You have to make Lance fix it, Shiro, he can’t just go around destroying Allura’s property.”

Shiro chuckled, “I don’t think he broke it, but point ta-” He cut off and the look of alarm on his face had Keith whipping his head around.

Lance hadn’t left the showers, but was collapsed on the floor of the shower, water pooling around his head, and his flight suit only pulled down to his waist.

Keith was normally proud of his reaction times, instinct and luck usually steering him blindly in the right direction. But his mind had come to a complete stop. He could only stare and not comprehend what had led to his friend falling in the shower.

Thankfully Shiro had no such problems and the feeling of time stretching out endlessly stopped as he jabbed at the wall to turn off the shower and carefully moved Lance onto his back, feeling for his breath.

Shiro’s face grew even more serious. “He’s cold, pulse is too fast… Lance, can you hear me?”

But the teen didn’t stir or crack an eye. He just lay there still and pallid, looking sicker than ever.

Keith stared down at him, hating himself, hating Lance.

“-ith. KEITH!” He shook his head to see Shiro and all of his attention lasering in on him. “Go find Coran and Allura. Tell them to get the medbay ready and bring a stretcher, I don’t know what’s wrong with Lance but we can’t be too careful right now.”

Keith nodded, fighting down the adrenaline to focus on the directions. And then he ran faster than he could remember running.

—————————————————

Lance lay on a bed in the medbay, Allura, Coran, and Shiro around him reviewing several instruments and panels.

“The reading seem to be normal, no signs of unusual electrical activity or function in the heart or brain. No signs of damage to his spine, nerves, skeletal structure, or muscles.” Allura’s eyes were narrowed and her fists clenched. Keith found it kind of fascinating that as kind and thoughtful as she could be, now she was all steel and flint, growing into her role as commander of a coalition.

Coran pointed at a virtual screen to her right, “look here, Allura, it seems Lance’s blood chemistries are reading abnormally, especially these electrolytes and minerals. And if we compare these scans to the last time he was in the healing pod after the explosion, they were all normal before.”

Allura reviewed the information and glanced down at the laid up teen, her brow distressed. “Look here,” Shiro spoke up, “His weight too. Look at the difference between last time and now.”

Coran’s mouth dropped in shock, “He’s lost nearly 20% of his body mass in such a short amount of time!” There was an uneasy silence as they all dropped their gaze to look down at the blue paladin. Keith grit his teeth and pushed down the little voice that wanted to speak up about the incident he’d seen those few weeks ago.

Shiro rubbed the back of his neck, face so guilty that Keith had to force himself to look away. “Coran, is it possible that he’s sick, that some kind of virus or disease is affecting him, making him lose weight?”

The Altean shook his head, “Not at all, Pidge and I recalibrated these machines to great specificity concerning the human body and biosphere. We would be able to detect abnormalities of any kind. This episode seems to be triggered by severe imbalances in his body’s chemistry. And concerning his malnutrition and loss of mass, it appears to be self-inflicted, due to some unknown trigger. We will have to wake Lance and ask him what’s happened.”

Allura chewed on her lip, before gently reaching to pull down the warming blanket they’d placed on the paladin upon arrival in the medbay. The priority then was to make him comfortable until they figured out why he fainted. The tan chest which had been muscled and healthy just a month or two ago was now thin and sharp, veiny. Lance wasn’t well and it was surprising to everyone that they hadn’t seen how sick he’d been.

Keith felt his own stomach churning both at the shock of realization of how thin and scrawny Lance was now, but also because of the secret he’d held onto for close to three weeks now.

“I saw him,” he suddenly blurted out, feeling his cheeks and ears burn. Stupid.

All eyes turned to him as though they’d forgotten he was in the room. Keith started to blurt out words, somehow formed sentences despite his anxiety. This was it. He’d ruin everything again.

“I mean, I saw something… a few weeks ago. I didn’t say anything because… well, I didn’t want to make a big problem out of nothing. But I think I should’ve said something now. I mean-”

Shiro offered him a gentle smile, his eyes on Lance. “It’s okay, Keith. This is not on you. There’s all the rest of us who should’ve noticed something. Just tell us what you saw.”

Keith swallowed and focused for a minute, drawing on that inner reserve he usually used for battle. He hated talks, hated personal confrontations. In a way, he felt like he was betraying Lance by not having asked what was going on. Now he was going to talk about something he had no context for without permission, all while Lance slept in front of them.

“A few weeks ago after everyone had left, it was one of those times that he kept flirting with you, Allura, and everyone was kind of annoyed with it. I ate and went to drop off my bowl in the cleaner when I saw Lance but he didn’t see me, still at the table, but not… eating. Just staring at his food.”

All three adults had turned to look at him and he almost wanted to run out of the room. This felt wrong. But Keith knew for the team, for Lance, he needed to finish.

“I thought it was weird that he was just staring and lifting his spoon but never eating so I was going to ask him what he was doing but them he just pounded on the table like a crazy person and grabbed his head so I moved so the doorway would block me.”

Keith paused, remembering how Lance’s knuckles were white, how his eyes had filled with tears, how he’d gagged swallowing the goo before throwing it out and all but running out of the room. The worry, now tinged with guilt, flooded him again.

“I just realized something was wrong, that he was sick, but I didn’t know what to say… or what to do. So I just watched him. Lance started to cry and he ate one bite but looked like he was going to be sick. Then he gave up, emptied his bowl into the compactor, and ran towards the hangers. He looked freaked out, and I just…”

Didn’t go after him, Keith finished in his own head.

Shiro broke away from the staring contest he’d taken up with Lance’s prone form to nod gratefully at Keith. “Thanks for telling this to us. I know that’s not the easiest thing for you. Do you mind heading back to your bunk for a while? We need to wake Lance up and talk to him for a bit, and he would probably appreciate privacy for this.”

Keith felt a flash of anger, indignant at his own mentor. He was as much a part of this as any the other three, if not more so. He wanted to be here to ask Lance what the hell was going on, to make him come clean about what was wrong with him, shake out the reasons he was so sick. He took a step forward to argue before realizing that Coran, Allura, and Shiro were sober and serious, all shoulder to shoulder, in agreement with the decision.

He let some of his bitterness pass over his face before turning to leave the room.

“Whatever,” he tossed over his shoulder. He set off, trying hard not to stomp like a kid would. he needed to talk to Pidge.

————————————————————————————————–

Keith found her, surprise surprise, with Hunk, huddled into the corner of the common area that they had reclaimed for “all things tech, data, engineering, and awesome.” They had gone so far as to arrange a tall metal barrier and a sign making it clear that this was their playground and visitors had to be given permission to come near anything, especially Pidge’s equipment.

Despite his intentions, he found himself stomping in his anger, pushing past the sign and jumping over the barrier, to Pidge’s great annoyance.

“What gives Keith? I hope you know you’re putting that back together! Not me!” Pidge gave a really impressive glare and Hunk was clearly burning from his table with curiosity but he wasn’t going to be distracted.

“I need,” he grunted at them, forcing some level of calm into his voice, “to see what is going on in the medbay right. Now.”

He could practically hear the gears turning in Hunk’s head, questions held back only by his tight lips. Pidge gave him shrewd look, before leaning back and lacing her fingers behind her head.

“That’s easy. But next time I need a test subject, you’d better be the first in line. Ever heard the phrase, If you’re good at something-”

“Never do it for free… yeah yea, Batman. I’ve heard it. I’ll do it, just” Keith felt his ire jump with his impatience, “just show me… now… please.”

Pidge considered him for a few seconds before she pressed approximately three keys on her laptop and the screen switched to the adults crowded around Lance’s bed, supporting him as they lifted a neon blue beverage to his lips.

Keith didn’t know whether to be afraid or impressed that she could apparently spy on all of them at the drop of a hat. This was clearly something Pidge was pleased about as she gave him her smarmiest grin.

“I’ve had the castle wired since the day after we arrived. Precaution. Wait, isn’t that blue stuff emergency hydration fluid? The kind we have in our lions?”

Hunk gasped and dropped the machinery he’d been tinkering with, to stand next to Keith, grabbing his jacket in alarm, “Why’s Lance in the medical bay? What happened to him? Did he work too hard in training? He seemed like he didn’t feel well at all!”

Keith was about to tell him to be quiet but Pidge beat him to it.

“Hunk, quiet for a second. We can’t hear what’s going on if you’re asking questions no one has answers to!” The red paladin felt her gaze flicker over him for a second which made him feel guilty all over again. When he looked at her, her face was frustrated, as if she’d been proven wrong in some way.

He turned his attention back to the screen. Lance had opened his eyes and was leaning against the cot, looking at his hands. He looked extremely unwell with his flight suit rolled down and the blanket pooled around his waist. That thickness he’d been so proud of was gone, all that was left was a thin frame and thin muscle, shadows in his ribs and other places they shouldn’t be. Hunk gasped softly.

Coran was talking to him with a gentle tone Keith rarely heard from him.

“Come on now, lad, tell us what’s going on. Have you not been feeling well? Could it be a case of the carbrangles? You must know you’ve lost quite a fair amount of mass. Your body can’t handle it, that’s why you fainted from the heat and training activities. You must tell us what’s happened if you want to get better.”

Lance’s face was blank but his hands grabbed at the blanket to pull it over his shoulders. He turned his head to the wall. He started to speak but his voice was low and so grave, Keith almost mistook him for Shiro.

“I’m really not going to talk about it with any of you. Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”

Allura turned to look at Shiro before sitting gently next to Lance on the cot.

“Lance, that’s no way for a paladin to act. We don’t want anything except for you to be well and healthy and you’re not. We are worried about you, and by extension the whole team. If one of us is down, all of us are. Surely you understand that?”

Lance didn’t move, didn’t stir. Just sat there staring stonily at his hands.

“What is going on?” Hunk breathed, “He looks awful. Why didn’t I just ask him what was up? I should’ve-”

Pidge rubbed her eyes, groaning. “Chances are if he’s so upset he’s not willing to talk to ALLURA, that he wouldn’t have said anything to you. I noticed he was looking thin, I just didn’t say anything. I thought he could handle himself, but clearly I was wrong.”

Keith just wanted to listen to what Shiro was saying but he had to respond to that.

“That’s not fair. Sometimes… it’s impossible to handle your problems alone. At least,” he flushed again, “at least that’s what Shiro said. And I think he’s right.”

Pidge caught his gaze before nodding slowly.

Lance had raised his voice for a minute and drew everyone’s attention back to the screen.

“Look. I get it, I worried you all for nothing. Give me my punishment and let’s all just move on!”

Shiro had a hand on his shoulder, speaking in low, even tones.

“Lance, you are not in trouble, you’re not getting a punishment. We’re sincerely concerned about you. Your heart was beating way too fast and we’ve had to supplement you with a fair amount of nutrients. You’re sick and we need to know why. If you’re losing weight for no reason, you need to tell us so we can figure it out. If you keep losing weight, your health is going to suffer drastically. It’s going to be a danger to form Voltron. We will find a solution but stop cutting us out.”

“Oh man, he’s acting all weird but he’s got to listen to Shiro, right?” Hunk breathed out nervously, hand tightening on Keith’s sleeve. “I mean, he’s his hero, Lance would never ignore him.”

Coran took the silence to offer a bowl of goo to Lance, “Here my boy, eat up. It’s hard to talk when you’re feeling ill, after all.” He looked hopeful with a kind smile under his bushy moustache.

Lance looked at the bowl and then at Coran, embarrassed and irritated.

“Listen, I’ll eat on my own, just drop it, okay. I don’t need your help. I can take care of myself.”

The screen suddenly shifted as Pidge clacked on her keyboard to a closer view. Lance’s hands were shaking. He was holding his posture perfectly tightly. His lips were trembling.

Shiro took over, placing a spoon on the tray.

“No one’s saying you can’t. But we know that it’s hard for you right now. We know that you’re not well and that eating, for whatever reason is hard for you right now. We’re going to help you and now that starts with making sure you eat something.”

Lance took a deep breath and turned away from Shiro. He looked towards the door as if wondering if he had time to make it there. His leg jerked as if ready to run, but he folded inwards, burying his head on his arms and knees. He had no energy left to spare.

Keith wondered if he was crying. Wondered why he felt like kicking something. Pidge and Hunk were silent but the air around all three of them was heavy.

Allura plucked the bowl from Coran’s hands and slid it closer down the cot to Lance’s lap. She spoke briskly as if to change the energy around the blue paladin.

“Come on, Lance, let us help you. I’ve told you that in the past, the paladins have always been like a unit, almost like a family. You need help and we’re going to help you. You’re not alone.”

Lance looked up over his arms, but he was still taut, coiled as a spring. Shiro picked up the bowl to hand it to him only to have it slapped out of his hand. No one moved. Lance looked as shocked as anyone else, but the spots of color on his cheeks and his heaving chest spoke to some turmoil hidden inside.

“Just stop.” He mumbled, raising his voice. “I don’t want it, and I don’t need it, and I don’t deserve it. So STOP giving it to me!”

Shiro shifted, stunned. Allura stepped back, mouth fishing for words. Coran looked upset and he toyed with his moustache , gentle eyes focused on Lance.

Lance grabbed his suit and pulled it over his arms and chest, avoiding eye contact with the others. He made an attempt to get out of bed, jumping up with energy he couldn’t possibly have, but Shiro and Allura managed to push him back down. Lance immediately threw the upended bowl, the fork, the blanket, and kicked over the smooth metal machine next to him that monitored his vitals.

“I got it. I’ll eat. Let me go.” His voice was so rough, it sounded as if he’d been screaming. His chest was still heaving so bad that he looked like he’d started to hyperventilate. Lance looked wild, eyes wide and darting around, like an animal in a cage. Keith recognized that look, that anger, in himself. The feeling of being exposed. The feeling of fear.

Shiro shook his head. “You’re not okay, Lance. We wouldn’t be a good team if we let you go like this.”

And where Keith would have raged and hit and attacked, where he would have spit on someone’s face, and had done that one time to Shiro, where he would have refused one ounce of vulnerability not on his terms, Lance folded and crumpled into deep, wracking sobs.

A story poured out of him, about his family’s poverty, about his worry for them, how his disappearance was making them suffer, even if it was for the greater good. How he was disappointing them even while he was saving the universe. How he didn’t even fit right into his new family, his team. How he didn’t contribute even when trying his best. How every single time he tried to eat, he was paralyzed with guilt and the knowledge that his family might be struggling to eat at all that day. How he was nauseous and hungry and tired and guilty all damn day. No matter how guilty he felt at being too weak to fight properly (and when Pidge got hurt, he cried all night), he couldn’t do it. He would choke or wheeze, his throat would close, he felt sick. Nothing worked and he would never be fixed.

Keith could hear Hunk’s snuffling behind him as he let out soft sobs. Pidge watched with a quiet devastation in her eyes. Keith swiped at his eyes for a moment before turning to run towards the med bay, not wanting to hear any more, not waiting to hear something worse.

He heard Hunk’s table overturn and two sets of footprints pounding after him.

He didn’t think about the things Lance had done or said. He didn’t wonder what would happen to the team. He ran as fast as he had when he’d found Lance collapsed in the water, faster even. He’d known even then that this was bad…. this was the kind of thing that ripped people apart and took them away. He wasn’t going to let that happen to Lance.

He pushed through the doors without acknowledging anyone, without explaining himself. Maybe they’d think he’d been eavesdropping.

He only stopped when’d shoved past Coran and Allura and wrapped his arms around thin shoulders, holding tighter than he probably should’ve. He stopped when Lance was tucked safely into his arms, the way Shiro had held him once, and he didn’t think even then. He just focused on his teammate and how badly he wanted him to be okay.

A minute later, he felt two more arms encircle Lance, with Hunk crooning into the paladin’s ear, ‘It’s okay, Lance, we’re here and we’re not going to let you deal with this alone. You’re okay, and your family’s okay, and we’ll all be okay. You’re not alone.“ He felt Pidge and Coran and Allura and Shiro, add to the pile. And he felt the lions under it all, supporting the paladins.

And Lance shook and shivered. He poured out his tears in space. He cried for his family and for himself. Healing would take time and patience, but with the love he was getting, he believed in his heart he would get better.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [tumblr!](https://figandmelon.tumblr.com)


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